Peacemaking? Nah.

Kimberly's picture

Vegans are a small group, less than one percent of the world population. We have to stick together. I get it. That's why I haven't always felt good about making noise in particular vegan cliques I have been part of. We are all supposed to get along. We need a unified front to stand up to the hordes of people who still don't get it that not eating animals is the most important social justice issue of our time.

I am not always liked by other vegans, but here's the thing: I don't want to be. Did you realize there are vegan Nazis? I once encountered a vegan who revealed his belief the Holocaust was faked and that his grandfather was a lizard Illuminati from outer space. Vegan or not vegan, I had no trouble telling him to eff right off. Here's another exotic brand of vegan for you: the vegan homophobe. You'd think being vegan was a beneficent, inclusive embrace of all cultures and walks of life, right?

Not so much for one particular vegan, who states:

"any deviation from wanting sexual pleasure of the opposite sex is wrong, be it child sex, sex with an animal or gay sex....there I said it...to want it is a defect in your brain.....so defriend me if you like ......but twisted ***ks are as much to blame as carnivores in my mind..."

There is so much wrong with the above paragraph beyond the rampant misuse of comma and ellipsis. I cannot help but nitpick that her first criteria of wanting sexual pleasure with the opposite sex never specifies that beings age or species.

Another vegan who is unfortunately well known in the community advocates bestiality and he is nowhere near alone. In a 2001 review of Midas Dekkers' Dearest Pet: On Bestiality, Peter Singer argues that sexual activities between humans and animals that result in harm to the animal should remain illegal, but that "sex with animals does not always involve cruelty" and that "mutually satisfying activities" of a sexual nature may sometimes occur between humans and animals. Peter Singer is a laureate professor.

Want to kill yourself yet? I do.

Especially officious are vegan women who defend their own exploitation when it comes to PeTA. As I have said before, PeTA does some great things, however, its Achilles heels are its cruelty towards shelter animals and its misogyny. Just as I don't want to be associate with any person who thinks it is okay to engage in sexual congress with his dog, I immediately judge vegans who blindly support PeTA without criticism as intellectually deficient.

I was recently threatened with a libel lawsuit. No, it wasn't from J. Lo or Martha Stewart. It was from another vegan; it was the second time he threatened to sue me this year.

I am a naturally bossy person -- the "bossy" moniker has stuck ever since the tender age of nine when my best friend at the time scrawled on a piece of paper, along with other epithets "bossy bossy bossy is all you ever do".. Coincidentally, being so bossy makes me a natural leader and chosen administrator of a few Facebook groups. Facebook has a setting called "Secret" which enables the user to hide the very existence of the group from all except those in the group itself. Both of the groups I administrate are Secret groups.

For the sake of ease and convenience, let's call the person who tried to sue me Mr. Scary. Nobody is sure when Mr. Scary went vegan, though it is estimated he became vegan about a year ago. Mr. Scary is in his late forties, divorced, and has three children. He is nothing out of the ordinary, right? Don't let his innocuous appearance fool you. He's a predator! I mentioned in my Secret group that I had heard some bad things from vegan women Mr. Scary had dated and was virtually deluged by single vegan women coming forward to share chillingly similar accounts of his behavior.

Here's how it usually went:

1. They became Facebook friends with Scary and began to exchange private email messages with him.

2. Within days or at most weeks, Scary would beg them to move to his domicile in Canada and marry him.

3. Scary would say they are "the one" and shout to the rafters he had found the love of his life.

4. When they raised an eyebrow or asked Scary to slow down, he would freak out.

5. If they were in Scary's physical presence, he would become threatening and violent.

In a fifty-woman group, no less than seven came forward with similar stories about Scary. Scary had a laundry list of antics, all of which were lovingly described in a three-hundred and thirty four comment post. His favorite way of getting a woman to pay attention to him was to belittle her. If she was rich, he would denigrate her for being spoiled. If she was American, he insulted her for being American. Somewhere in the past, Scary must have successfully manipulated a woman (his mother? His ex-wife?) by making her feel smaller than a dust mite. He employed the strategy energetically and often to get a woman into bed, and once he got her there, he wasn't about to let go without a fight. In the case of at least two different women who dallied with Scary, he claimed to have made non-consensual video recordings of their intimacy. When those women inevitably soured to his clinginess and alcoholic rages, he threatened to release the sex tapes to the general public in hopes this would inspire them not leave.

Wow.

I think this is sad for a couple of reasons. Reason Number One is:

1. That Scary would illegally create videos of this nature without his partner's consent. How very rape-y of him.

2. That society at large would judge the female partner, NOT THE MALE WHO ACTUALLY MADE THE VIDEO WITHOUT PERMISSION, as a slut or a whore.

Scary does some pretty whore-y things by the way. He's always got several irons in the fire and is at any given time flirting or chatting as many females as he can gather around him. He's got a "business" devoted to creating images of young, scantily-clad women. The funny thing is Scary isn't someone you'd peg for a Casanova. He's not hideous, but he's not exactly Ryan Gosling either.

There are many of my vegan friends who might as well be sisters and brothers to me. As much as I knew it was a personal risk to say anything about Scary and his serialized pattern of violence as well as his drinking problem, I said it because I spent far too many years not speaking out for things I believe in. I believe it is wrong for anyone to prey on single vegan women in the way Scary does. When I posted about Scary in my secret vegan group, I was willing to risk whatever might come because warning people about scary might alert them to his predatory tactics. I never dated Scary. A friend of mine, who did date him briefly before he freaked out at her, provided hair-curling stories of his sociopathy and propensity towards violence.

Once we were three-hundred posts in, some Scary defenders came forward, both of whom were (sadly) women. They urged that we should try to help Scary to rehabilitate himself. They said we should let the police handle the matter of his escalating violence towards each new woman he entrapped with his limited charms. And most of all, they said we should censor what we said about Scary because we were mean to talk about him in the first place, because shouldn't we all just try to get along?

Within hours, Scary was emailing me saying that someone had copied the entire 334 comment post and he had screenshots of every single part of the thread. He was planning on taking this questionably-obtained information to a lawyer and he would be slapping me with a libel suit shortly. He demanded a public apology and said I was to immediately remove the post from my own supposedly-secret group.
I didn't take Scary's threat seriously and initially refused to take the post down. I still don't think Scary had a legal leg to stand on. Nevertheless, I was compelled to take the post down by someone I know and love after being forced into a corner about it.

I used to allow the presence of idiot vegans to sour my opinion of veganism as a whole. This is why I was vegetarian and not vegan from the ages of seventeen to thirty-seven (I'm forty at the time of this writing). My mistake. I didn't understand the difference between a few misled freaks and dog-diddlers and an entire movement for the betterment of all mankind. This is why I don't have trouble outing Scary the Predator even though he wears the vegan banner. I will stand for what is right even if it comes down to standing alone. This is what being vegan did to me. It made me willing to choose between social approval and my own moral imperatives. I didn't stop eating and using animals so I could win friends and influence people; I did it because it is the right thing to do. I spent far, far too long placating others and modifying my very strong opinions because I wanted them to like me. I will never approve of bestiality, gay-bashing, or misogyny hiding under the tent animal rights and I am not afraid to say so.
Screw getting along.

This essay has been reblogged at KimberlySteele.net.
Peacemaking? Nah.