Vegans never ever get cancer. Never EVER! That's right folks, a vegan diet is the perfect magic bullet against all disease. If you would like to have a perfect, cellulite-free body, you should go vegan. The second you embrace a plant-based diet, all your fat will instantly melt away and you'll be able to strut the beach in a lumpy, G-string Speedo/three strategically-placed pasties with nary a jiggle. Your disease-proof body will be free for at least a hundred years of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, chronic fatigue, moles, warts, and mosquito bites.
As a sheltered, suburban child, I remember many public "awareness" campaigns that were designed to scare me straight. Many of these campaigns had the intended effect. I never abused drugs, smoking cigarettes never stuck, and sex was a highly-plasticized, "safe" experience.
A young girl diagnosed with mild retardation obsessive-compulsive disorder takes to cutting and burning herself. Her horrified parents discover her stabbing her own legs with a fork shortly after she learns to eat with silverware. She later discovers banging her head against a wall at the age of four. By age nine, she's knocked herself out badly enough to cause a concussion at least a dozen times. By the time she is an adolescent, her parents relinquish her to a psychiatric institution.