Vegans never ever get cancer. Never EVER! That's right folks, a vegan diet is the perfect magic bullet against all disease. If you would like to have a perfect, cellulite-free body, you should go vegan. The second you embrace a plant-based diet, all your fat will instantly melt away and you'll be able to strut the beach in a lumpy, G-string Speedo/three strategically-placed pasties with nary a jiggle. Your disease-proof body will be free for at least a hundred years of diabetes, cancer, heart disease, chronic fatigue, moles, warts, and mosquito bites.